I Will Rise

We sang "I Will Rise" in the McCleary service this last Sunday and it really impacted me.  Throughout the service I continued to pour over the chorus of this song, singing the words over and over in my head.  I believe the Spirit impressed these thoughts specifically to me...meeting me right where I am.  I'd like to share with you what I wrote down.

Note: I found a video on YouTube of Chris Tomlin talking about this song.

I will rise when He call my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on Eagle's wings
Before my God, fall on my knees and rise

This chorus really stuck out to me.  It talks of 'no more sorrow, no more pain,' and that sounds great.  But the last line, to me, is the most profound.  '...fall on my knees and rise.'  You rise by getting on your knees before God.

To rise makes me think of getting up, getting over, moving on.  The song makes it clear that we cannot rise by ourselves...'On Eagle's wings'.  We fall on our knees, pray, and worship the Lord God.
It talks of no sorrow and pain.  I don't believe this refers to the removal of physical sorrow, pain, and sickness, but rather the perspective surrounding them.  Your perspective changes when you are on your knees before God.  Pain and sorrow are replaced by peace and joy.

To rise requires humility (2 Chronicles 7:14).  To rise requires weakness recognized (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).  To rise requires submission before God (Proverbs 3:5-6).  You get on your knees before God so that you may rise by His strength and His grace.

Lord, grant me the humility and submissiveness to come before you on my knees and acknowledge you as Lord of all, regardless of any circumstance.  Fill me with you kingdom perspective that I may be in constant communion with you.

Back to the Basics

Last night I went and watched the Northwest Christian High School varsity basketball game.  NCHS is a class-B high school in Lacey, WA.  It was their first home game of the season and going into last night they claimed a 0-1 record.

Now, I didn't go because I was bored, I didn't go to support the school, and I didn't go to support any of the players, because up until 1:30 Sunday afternoon I hadn't met any of them.  I did have reasons so don't think I acted out of character.  So far, I have led you to believe this is just a normal local high school.  That isn't entirely true.  NCHS is where my best friend, Jake Gamble, works as both a teacher and an assistant coach for the boys varsity basketball team.

Since I have no attachment to anything in my current environment except the home team (which is indirect as best) I decided to do something productive.  Now, doing what any High-C, Logical, Introvert would do I brought a pen and started to write down all the areas I saw that needed improvement.  My notes were divided into Offensive, Defensive, and Personal areas (for both players and coaches).  These I shared with my roommate when he arrived at home.  I really enjoyed this experience, both the scouting aspect (discussing areas needed for improvement) and the coaching aspect (discussing how to bring about the needed improvement).

One of the conclusions we came to after reviewing the lists (mine written, his mental [this makes a lot of sense if you know us]) we came to a very simple, yet possibly frustrating conclusion.  A lot of the areas deemed in need of improvement were things we both learned very early in our basketball development...definitely before high school.  Things like "triple-threat" and "fake-a-pass, make-a-pass" you expect them to know and be competent with otherwise where is your baseline.  The basics are important because they are the foundation upon which everything is built.

As I was praying tonight, God impressed upon me in complete clarity the importance of the baseline, or the basics.  He explained that it must go beyond knowledge.  It must reach beyond instance.  It requires commitment and surrender.  It is Transformation.  You see, as I laid on my floor humbly crying out to Him for guidance and direction, expressing repentance and submission, He responded with His notes about my performance.  He highlighted the areas that need improvement.

Despite this exposure, I didn't find myself insecure but rather encouraged.  I realized that I have heard all the teaching required to know the baseline.  I have practiced long enough to experiences single instances of it.  However, I have never committed completely.  I have never fully surrendered everything.  I have experienced redemption but now I desire a deeper level of Transformation. 

Lord, thank you for your conviction.  Father, grant me the grace to sell all that I own that I may buy the field.  Raise my level of affection for you so that all pails in comparison.

War

I am constantly at war....and I fail to recognize it. I move in and out of my days seemingly oblivious to the chaos and insanity that surrounds me...I appear to ignore challenges, dares, attacks, defeats, and even victories - is this ignorance or is it stupidity?

I am constantly at war...and I struggle. I seek two masters - earthly satisfaction and the Lord God Almighty. Ironically the order of these two masters trumps English grammar. The actions of my behavior must be allowed to speak...despite any effort of my own to silence them.

I am constantly at war...and I fail. I fall - defeated. I lie in my own blood and dismembered self. I fail to act. I act and fail. Sometimes I sit and let the defeat overtake me without putting up a fight. Sometimes I fight in vain...which doesn't appear to be a fight at all. Regardless, it is in the end - after the defeat appears to have been completed - when defeat truly triumphs. Where self rejects hope. Where self rejects grace.


I am constantly at war...and I need not feel utter defeat.
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ -- by grace you have been saved -- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." -Ephesians 2:4-10

I am constantly at war...and my struggles will produce perseverance.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." -James 1:2-4

I am constantly at war...and I will be victorious by the power and the glory of Jesus Christ.
"Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." -Philippians 2:9-11

I am constantly at war...

God of This City...

I have been absolutely inundated by this song today. Now that may sound like a harsh or even negative comment, but that is not its intent. Today at church I sang this song in a 3 different services a total of 5 times! Outside of church I listened to this song at least another 10 times....I am listening to it over and over as I write now. I can't stop.

The song was written by Bluetree, a band from Belfast, Northern Ireland. There is an amazing story about this song and where, when, why, and how it was written, but that isn't what I wanted to write about. If you want to know about this you can read about it here in one of their MySpace blogs.

The song speaks of God's promises for the city, the community, the church, the body, and finally the individual. The last one is the one the hit me the most. He is the God, King, and Lord of me.

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

How awesome are the promises of God! This is a pretty powerful promise. I started to ask myself if I felt that it applied to me. After all, like I said earlier, I feel like the song speaks just as powerfully to the individual as it does to the community. So do I accept it? Do I believe it to be true?

When I look at where I am now (what I struggle with, what I do, what I know, where I am going) I often find myself with such a feeling of inadequacy. Now I know that this is good because I am inadequate. But I feel it to be such a stumbling block for me. While I understand the importance of humility and understanding that I am nothing and God is everything, I also believe the enemy uses this emotional state to maim, restrain, and hinder my growth.

God is speaking his promise through this band and this song. This promise is for me. I am inadequate alone, but because of His regenerating grace, because of His love and sacrifice, because of my adoption I am no longer inadequate.

Greater things are still to be done here...in me.

In search of a voice...

Despite what you may believe I didn't create this blog for no reason. It was created as an outlet for my internal thoughts. A way to communicate to both myself and others. A means for refining beliefs, strengthening positions, and defining truth. That is the vision.

Now you may believe that up to this point it has been under-utilized. I probably won't argue with you (although that is totally within my nature) because it would be a waste of my efforts and both of our time. You base your belief solely on the external because that is all you are privy to. Internally, however, progress is being made. Thoughts are being processed. Ideas are being penned. Beliefs are being sharpened.

This idea of external vs internal indicators is a common thing in my life. The amount of external activity pales compared to the internal threshing.

I was talking with my roommate and he made a comment that likened him to Aaron and me to Moses (I totally came out on top there). Now I am not going to allow this analogy to be taken anywhere other than the idea of voice. Moses said that he didn't have the voice. He wasn't willing to find the voice. Hence Aaron.

Now this doesn't mean I believe I lack an external voice because I don't. Like everything else I am only seeking to refine it. To strengthen it. To increase its efficiency. It has been a slow process. I have, until now, been unable to find the voice. To define it.

The struggle has largely been induced by one factor: the audience. Who am I writing to? Why? How do I address them...you? What content is applicable and/or relevant? Tonight, lying in bed, I came to a couple of realizations: (1)My vision was to further understand my internal conflicts; to strengthen my beliefs, convictions, positions, and ideals; to refine the ability to externally communicate the internal. These are the reasons why. (2)My initial audience has already been determined. The handful (and that is generous) of people that are even aware of its existence has taken care of that. This led me to think about the future audience and the idea that (3)my voice will determine it. I am not trying to write for them. I am to write to them. They will come...much like Shoeless Joe Jackson and his Black Socks.

So, these few paragraphs, pitiful and obvious as they may be, are the beginnings of externalizing the internal conflicts.

I'll end this beginning with a quote from a man whose encouragement has helped me weather many storms and continue to look forward. In the words of Mario himself, "Here we go!"

-Curtis