In search of a voice...

Despite what you may believe I didn't create this blog for no reason. It was created as an outlet for my internal thoughts. A way to communicate to both myself and others. A means for refining beliefs, strengthening positions, and defining truth. That is the vision.

Now you may believe that up to this point it has been under-utilized. I probably won't argue with you (although that is totally within my nature) because it would be a waste of my efforts and both of our time. You base your belief solely on the external because that is all you are privy to. Internally, however, progress is being made. Thoughts are being processed. Ideas are being penned. Beliefs are being sharpened.

This idea of external vs internal indicators is a common thing in my life. The amount of external activity pales compared to the internal threshing.

I was talking with my roommate and he made a comment that likened him to Aaron and me to Moses (I totally came out on top there). Now I am not going to allow this analogy to be taken anywhere other than the idea of voice. Moses said that he didn't have the voice. He wasn't willing to find the voice. Hence Aaron.

Now this doesn't mean I believe I lack an external voice because I don't. Like everything else I am only seeking to refine it. To strengthen it. To increase its efficiency. It has been a slow process. I have, until now, been unable to find the voice. To define it.

The struggle has largely been induced by one factor: the audience. Who am I writing to? Why? How do I address them...you? What content is applicable and/or relevant? Tonight, lying in bed, I came to a couple of realizations: (1)My vision was to further understand my internal conflicts; to strengthen my beliefs, convictions, positions, and ideals; to refine the ability to externally communicate the internal. These are the reasons why. (2)My initial audience has already been determined. The handful (and that is generous) of people that are even aware of its existence has taken care of that. This led me to think about the future audience and the idea that (3)my voice will determine it. I am not trying to write for them. I am to write to them. They will come...much like Shoeless Joe Jackson and his Black Socks.

So, these few paragraphs, pitiful and obvious as they may be, are the beginnings of externalizing the internal conflicts.

I'll end this beginning with a quote from a man whose encouragement has helped me weather many storms and continue to look forward. In the words of Mario himself, "Here we go!"

-Curtis